FOM - I'm starting to show!

I've been having strange sensations, increasing and fewer minutes apart, starting at my stomach and making their way to my heartbeat. I thought to time them to see if they were two minutes apart, til I realized it had nothing to do with contractions and going into labor. They had everything to do with me realizing that I'm actually pregnant and my body is changing. You might say I had a "freaked out moment of being pregnant".

Freaked OUT Moment (FOM), I'm starting to show; began probably sometime this past week. It didn't really hit me til Friday when I realized I no longer fit into my bra. I know, I know... and I thought this before too... how great it must be to be getting bigger and refining that hour-glass figure. But becoming more busty has actually started to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I mean, yes, it's probably more sexy, but I'm just not sure I like it. I find myself tempted to wear a sign that says "It's not my fault they're growing, I'm pregnant."

The other thing that's started growing lately is my belly. I have been in the habit of holding in my stomach, as if holding in would reduce the appearance of what's growing down there. I guess it's part of my struggle to overcome my denial. Anyway, below are the pictures.



I've been trying to figure out why I'm having such trouble accepting these simple and quite expected changes. Yesterday when Nils and I went to the DMV to register our car and update our driver's licenses, I found myself sometimes embarrassed to realize that people might be able to tell just by site that I'm pregnant. EEk!! I don't want that attention. Again, I have to remind myself that on the outside, people see pregnant women and think, "Aw! How cute! You have such a glow!" But in my mind when people look at me (if they even notice at this point that I'm pregnant) the thoughts that cross my mind is more like, "Ack! I'm not ready! Don't look at me like you know something I don't!!" I really need to relax, don't I?

Baby Log - Star Date 092509 - ...So I'll just call you junyah

Nils and I went in for our first real ultrasound today. Nils took a few hours off work this morning so we could see the baby together. How nice is that? :)

To give a little background, from the very beginning Nils and I had a feeling whether our baby was a boy or a girl.... and we weren't shy about it. I constantly referred to the little flutter in my belly as "she" and Nils would often share with friends and family that we thought we were having a girl. This morning when we arose to make our way for the ultrasound, we were a little nervous about being wrong and having to do a lot back-peddling (mentally and to our adoring public)... not to mention figuring out what to do with all of those bright pink and flowery cloth diapers I just purchased on Craigslist.

As an aside, the title of the post refers to the movie Junior with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Emma Thompson.... You know the part... Arnold playing the role of pregnant man 'Alex' says: "I don't know if you're a boy or a gerl, so I'll just call you junyah". Anyway... it was a joke Nils told on the way to our appointment. If we were smarter we would have just called the baby "Junior" until we were sure.

So, the lady performing the ultrasound was super nice with the cutest accent. I couldn't tell exactly where she was from, but she definitely spoke Spanish. It came up that we were going to be moving to Colombia and she asked me if I knew any Spanish. "Bano? Does that count?" She said that word was the most important. ;)

As she started looking at the baby, she kept saying how perfect the baby was. She complimented me on my fluids and skin, saying that it was really easy to see everything because of my state of health. That was definitely nice to hear. The baby was also very cooperative and kept moving so that the lady could measure and get a good look at all the necessary parts. So we're happy to report that our baby is healthy and whole. Even if our baby wasn't, we'd still be proud and happy parents, though it is nice to hear that your baby is doing well. We'll post one of the ultrasound pictures soon (the one that looks the least blobby). I'm not a huge fan of ultrasound pictures just because... well, most of them are either really ugly, hard to tell what you're looking at, or just plain alien scary. Again, we'll do our best to share one that looks the most human.

Well, having made it clear from the beginning that we were interested in learning the gender/sex of the baby (I've learned that not all parents want to know before the baby is born) we first got a glimpse of the face, and then our baby showed "the goods" right away. The lady chuckled and said, "Well, now we know the gender!"
I looked over at the screen and saw a bunch of blobs and one looked, to me, like a little boy part. So I said (thinking of those bright pink diapers at home)
"So, what is it?"
"A GIRL!"
"A girl?"
Looking back at the blobs I had to ask, "How do you know?"
She moved the wand a little more til you could see two perfect bumps... like the top of a heart.
"See that?... Those are the legs (though it looked more like the bottom to me). See that space in between?... Nothing there. "
Wow... pretty cool, huh?

So... Nils and I are psychic. We can predict the future. Of course, it helps that we had a 50/50 chance of being right. More than that, we're just so delighted to be having a girl!!

Baby Log - Star date 090109 - Can I get a lolly?

Okay, so being pregnant still hasn't really hit me. That's the only explanation I can think of for waiting this long before posting about the baby and being pregnant. I know, you'd think that occasional bouts of nausea, or the 1:30am hike to the bathroom would kinda drive it home, but when I look at all the other "really" pregnant women, I just don't see how I fit into their club, ya know? Yep, I'm still not showing even though I'm past the 4-month mark (one reason for no belly pictures yet).


That aside, I still had to discipline myself in finding a doctor and getting all the paperwork done. Finding a doctor out here didn't prove as smooth and easy as I thought. And figuring out all the paper work with Peace Corps, the Department of Labor and the Office of Worker's Compensation proved to be a little more layered and technical than I had anticipated. I'll get to that more later.

But, I prevailed and after being rejected by several doctor's offices (even though they were on the list of approved medical providers and even admitted that they were in the network), I found a great doctor and even have all the documentation and approvals I need for a fully-funded delivery!

I'd like you to meet my baby's doctor.... Dr. Shin:

Now meet Dr. Shin's Staff:

And let me introduce you to Dr. Shin's patients:

Then here's me....

Okay, fine. Those aren't really pictures of my new doctor, his staff and patients (though, that is really my 5th grade picture). Needless to say, I initially felt kinda out of place. To any of you out there who sometimes (or always) feel like you don't fit in, I'm really sorry whenever you feel that way. It can be quite uncomfortable. But I hope you stick it out and have good experiences anyway.

I did stick it out and have been very happy and grateful to Dr. Shin and his amazing staff. Everyone is very friendly and open. They joke with me and make me feel comfortable. They are professional and work with me on billing issues without making me feel like and id-ee-it. (Huge brownie points to them for that last one!)

So, I had an appointment on September 1st for a check up and blood draw.

Slight aside...

Seriously! I don't remember asking for help to overcome my fears of needles and having my blood drawn, but I must have, because this is the 5th time this year. In my whole life, I can only recall two other times having my blood drawn... So in my ENTIRE life I've had blood drawn 7 times, 71.4% of which occured just this year (one even being done in my own kitchen!). And I'm sure I haven't seen the end of it... Keep those arms bare.

Anyway, I did such a good job (well, and of course the nurse did too :). I didn't pass out, didn't flail around and squirt blood everywhere. I didn't even really feel the blood draining from my body (except a little at the end).

So to recap... I called dozens of doctors' offices, got rejected a lot, cried a little, finally found a nice doctor, scheduled a visit, went to the initial visit, felt out of place at first but found out they were very awesome, filled out and explained the payment process for the OSN-34245w323 form to the doctor's office to send in just for the initial visit, filled out the CE-130239-Z5 form for the FECA claim and included all the necessary documents, walked over (Nils was so nice to come with me) to the Peace Corps office and hand delivered all the documentation, received a letter with my claim number from Peace Corps, had a second visit with the doctor scheduled, called OWCP - the Office of Workers' Compensation to find out how payments going forward should be billed from the doctor, was told I couldn't bill anything until after my claim was approved, asked about the issue of pregnancy and that I wouldn't wait 4 weeks, was re-routed to another office, was given another phone number, decided to call Peace Corps, was given some advice about just going in anyway and worrying about billing later, went into the doctor's office - explained that the billing procedures had changed, that the OSN-34245w323 form was not the right form to use anymore and that now the TRS-234-4DR was the new form and the billing address had changed, that it was no longer under ChoiceCare insurance, had the billing lady be very nice to me, talked with the doctor, heard the baby's heartbeat, had my blood drawn, got the doctor's referral for an ultrasound in 4 weeks, paid the co-pay for the visit, went out to my car, called the other number OWCP had given me to talk to the person reviewing my case/claim, talked to him for a minute or less - had him tell me that everything would work out, and drove home.

Can I get a lolly?