I've been having strange sensations, increasing and fewer minutes apart, starting at my stomach and making their way to my heartbeat. I thought to time them to see if they were two minutes apart, til I realized it had nothing to do with contractions and going into labor. They had everything to do with me realizing that I'm actually pregnant and my body is changing. You might say I had a "freaked out moment of being pregnant". Freaked OUT Moment (FOM), I'm starting to show; began probably sometime this past week. It didn't really hit me til Friday when I realized I no longer fit into my bra. I know, I know... and I thought this before too... how great it must be to be getting bigger and refining that hour-glass figure. But becoming more busty has actually started to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I mean, yes, it's probably more sexy, but I'm just not sure I like it. I find myself tempted to wear a sign that says "It's not my fault they're growing, I'm pregnant."
The other thing that's started growing lately is my belly. I have been in the habit of holding in my stomach, as if holding in would reduce the appearance of what's growing down there. I guess it's part of my struggle to overcome my denial. Anyway, below are the pictures.
I've been trying to figure out why I'm having such trouble accepting these simple and quite expected changes. Yesterday when Nils and I went to the DMV to register our car and update our driver's licenses, I found myself sometimes embarrassed to realize that people might be able to tell just by site that I'm pregnant. EEk!! I don't want that attention. Again, I have to remind myself that on the outside, people see pregnant women and think, "Aw! How cute! You have such a glow!" But in my mind when people look at me (if they even notice at this point that I'm pregnant) the thoughts that cross my mind is more like, "Ack! I'm not ready! Don't look at me like you know something I don't!!" I really need to relax, don't I?
10 comments:
Emily, you're so funny! But you're not that strange. When I was pregnant with Tommy I felt like my body was betraying me with each new change. I didn't ASK it to change, did I?
With Tommy and with this current pregnancy I also sucked in my stomach at the beginning. It was something I did so unconsciously that when it started to hurt to suck it in I had to tell myself that it was okay to just let my stomach hang out.
I think once the baby has come you'll be able to look back on all these things and laugh. What helped me cope with my fears and denial (I wouldn't even LOOK at baby clothes until I was 7 months pregnant) was that I kept a baby journal. It really came in handy when the delivery didn't go as planned either and I was able to cry and vent on paper which I am sure Tommy will appreciate some day in the future. :-)
Just go with the flow and you'll be fine! Love ya!
you call that a tummy!?!?! just you wait!
ps. you look absolutely gorgeous!
You do need to relax! Unfortunately there are lots of things about being pregnant (and a mom) that create prime opportunities for freak out moments.
You look wonderful and hopefully you'll overcome your denial soon. It's strange to know that your life is gradually changing, big changes.
It's wonderful! You'll be a great mommy, have no doubt about that!
So the difference between the two makes me think of all those jokes where the guy asks a lady "So when are you due?" or "Is it a boy or a girl?" and the lady replies "I'm not pregnant!" -of course in your case it's the reverse ;) So take your pick: looking like an overweight person or an expecting mother.
I don't think I'm really helping you feel better about this >.<
And Julie hit it on the head: you do look gorgeous!
You look adorable. Seriously I wish I could look that cute when I was prego. Great for you updating your FOM. Hope you have a great day!
I think u look beautiful, and yes u are over reacting, but i gues that's kind of normal to, i can't even imagine how I"ll react when this will happened to me, so go ahead and make Nil's life a little bit harder! I miss u guys a lot, and wish u al the best!
Oh, Emmy! It is your first, so ofc everything is new! :) Like Julie and Marius said, you are goregous! You are a cute pregnant woman... Show it off, instead of hiding.
Glad that the pregnancy is easy for y ou.. that is a blessing.
I read your FOM blog and really enjoyed the pictures ! You do look cute, with just a little pooch. Your smile is 'award-wining'.
I know it's strange to have your body change and expand as it has to do, but I think the biggest change is mental: Realizing that you are now a grown-up, adult woman who is now bringing another delicate sweet human being into the world. That's probably the biggest freak-out......
Hang in there ! You'll do just fine !
Love, Mom
People looking at you freaks you out?
(hysterical laughter)
This, from an interpreter who makes her living standing in front of people all day long?
(fake thoughtful expression)
Ooooooooookaaaaayyy.
Oh, and:
"Don't look at me like you know something I don't!!"
Ok, I'll help you out a bit.
Emily, you're pregnant. You have a child growing inside of you like a tapeworm. Unfortunately, the condition is terminal - your carefree life is over. For the rest of your life, you will wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, "Where is s/he? Is s/he ok?"
On the flip side, however, you have the opportunity to duplicate the good that YOU bring to this world. Raise the child right, and - with Nils - the three of you (or four, five, eight, depending on how many times you go through this voluntarily or involuntarily) will have the chance to spread cheer and joy.
Stop sucking it up. (laughs)
Wait until you REALLY start to show, and complete strangers come up to you and rub your belly like it's the Blarney Stone. Now THAT is disconcerting.
:^)
Hugs. Hope to see you soon.
Thanks Sarah! You are so right about feeling a little betrayed. It's funny because deep down ya know the changes are coming, but somehow it's still a surprise. Funny that even with your second you held in your tummy too! That totally helps me not feel so weird. You're the best!!
Thanks Julie! I know... I know. And it's only going to get worse. But hopefully then I'll have figured out how to use the pregnancy card and get all the perks and special treatment of being pregnant.
Thanks Megan... I need to find some outlet for when I hit upon a freaked out moment, especially since you're reminding me that there are many more moments ahead. Thanks for your confidence and just seeing all the great people who've responded to this post, I'm reminded that I have so many friends to go to when I have no idea what to do! :) You're a great mom and I know there's much I can learn from you!
Thanks Marius for making me laugh. At least if someone does ask if I'm pregnant (or when I'm due) I won't have to be offended that someone is calling me fat! ;)
Thanks Nora! Nora is a great photographer, btw... for anyone interested.
Tanta, I miss you so much!! Thanks for bringing me down to earth and reminding me I can use Nils more. Hope everything is going well in Galati!
Elle, thanks for reminding me to show it off! You know, being a bride for a day and getting a lot of attention doesn't always come naturally for us women (though some handle it very well), but imagine being a pregnant lady and feeling like all this attention is drawn to your belly... If only it were only for one day. Hey and good reminder that pregnancy is going well... that is certainly a blessing!
Bronwyn, you are SO RIGHT! I may have to deal with my body changing over the next few months, but I also need to prepare and think on how my life will be changing too! Thanks for all your encouragement. I look forward to leaning on the many wise women who have gone before me. :)
Bill, you always crack me up! So right on target.... Thanks for putting in such a real (and comical) light to just help me laugh and accept the wonderful things going on.
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